You Don't Know Until You Do

My friend, Nat, and I were recently talking about all the well-intentioned advice you receive when you become a parent (about co-sleeping, bedsharing, cry-it-out, nursing, baby-led weaning, baby wearing, modes of discipline, etc.), and how many times it's conflicting or just plain invasive. The truth is, as a mommy-to-be you can plot and plan and watch all the documentaries and read all the articles and books you can get your hands on, but that all may go out the window once you meet your baby.

Why? Because your baby is YOUR baby. Not the baby of the person who wrote that book. Not the baby of your friend whose kid cried it out one time before sleeping 12 hours a night every night. You may have one idea in your head about the kind of baby you'll have and the kind of mom you'll be, and you could both turn out to be something different entirely. Your child might have special needs or be extra sensitive to stimuli. You may find it much more difficult to be so matter-of-fact with discipline with your flesh and blood than when you were just imagining it, or you may discover some extra patience and gentleness you didn't know you had. Breastfeeding may not work out, or your child may want to nurse longer than you had planned. Your child may love their crib and sleep well right from the get, or you may have a crier on your hands who needs lots of direct contact to regulate.

I definitely had my ideas about what I wanted my birthing and parenting experiences to be like. I pictured myself as a mother, and read up on attachment parenting and breastfeeding. But there are no guarantees. In all my imagining, I never once thought of my baby being colicky. I didn't know I would end up ditching the crib and bedsharing for the first year. I would have never guessed I would be so patient, get so little sleep, or still be nursing at 18 months. Those choices came after I met Eveleigh and got to know her and discovered first-hand what worked (for her and for me) and what didn't.

So to all you new moms and moms-to-be, I would say this: take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. Plan ahead and educate yourself, but know there are always bumps in the road. And realize that your baby will have a big personality and you may have to wait and see who they are before you decide how to best parent them.

Date Night!

Enjoying a beer sample of scotch ale. Yummy!

My attempt to take a picture of my vintage dress and Steve Madden shoes in the ladies' room

This Saturday, Scott and I had a date night (woot!). And it went like this: we dropped Ev off at my Mom and Dad's house and went back home to doll up. Scott smooched me while I was getting ready, and I knocked over a red Christmas candle I had burning and spilled red wax all over the carpet (again, we are about to move and are hoping to get our deposit back!). Scott was like "it is what it is and let's not let it ruin our night". But I was upset. We finished getting ready and found some neat lo-fi underground show thing we wanted to go to. But then we couldn't find the place. Fail. So we made a Plan B. We drove to this neat little bar that usually has live jazz. And upon walking in, we were told the kitchen had runout of food and the band had canceled, and they were closing. Fail. So we made a Plan C and wound up at Grinders, our old stomping grounds from when we lived on 18th Street in our make-shift gallery/loft. Which I should totally write a post about. More on that later. But because of that, we know most of the staff and regular patrons there, and you know what? It wound up being a lovely time.

We got to sample some great beers and we found ourselves joking and laughing just like old times in the company of lots of fellow artists, musicians, architects, and people best classified as "other". We shared a slice of freshly tossed pizza, and chatted the night away until it was time to go get the girl.

A perfect night that went nothing like we planned!

The Importance of Staying Connected

Last night I was having one of those nights where you feel overwhelmed by it all--the job, the baby who won't sleep, the bills, the homework, the housework. Feeling tired and lumpy and just plain mad about a zit that decided to be my cherry on top of the already crappy day.

In preparation for our move, I've been cleaning out closets, and I had a bunch of Ev's hand-me-downs to pass on to a friend, so I called her up. And you know what? Even though I miss my friends so much, it was hard for me to go. Ev was fussing in the car, and I just felt...ugly and worn out and so unlike my old self. I considered canceling because frankly, I just wasn't good company. But instead I went. I looked at baby clothes with my friend, talked about how our daughters will be friends one day and how awesome that is, spilled my guts about the bad ways I was feeling and the ways I want to be different.

And then something magical happened. She understood. When my eyes welled up, hers did too. I wasn't alone anymore. She got it. She got me. And she didn't care that I was in a slump or that I had a zit or any of it. I felt heard and validated and encouraged and refreshed. and also reminded that we, as moms, are chronic multitaskers. We give and give and do for others and, while it's cliche, we often put ourselves last. Which is good and bad. We get disconnected--first from the freewheeling friends of our early 20's with their happy hours and midnight concerts, then from equally busy mom-friends, and then from ourselves. Isolation leads to more isolation.

But leaving there last night, I felt so much healthier than when I arrived. Stimulated intellectually and challenged to exercise more, meditate daily, care for myself, and never forget the importance of staying connected.

Dear Everleigh (18 Months!)

Dear Everleigh,

Today marks the day that you turn one-and-a-half years old. And you woke up feeling onry as all get out :) Every day I see you becoming less of a baby and more of a person. It's both exciting and a little sad for me to see, because you'll always be my little baby. But I'm so proud of you and all the things you're learning and doing--the "big girl" you're becoming. Today I watched you sleep as the warm light crept into your bedroom, and I just felt my heart swell in my chest. I couldn't love you more.

Here's what you're up to now:

Mommie's little tomboy: you're still outright refusing to let me put piggies in your hair, and headbands or bows are just a joke. I'm cool with it, although if you only knew how adorable you look in pigtails, you might change your mind. The other day we had brunch at a diner in town, and our waitress saw your peacoat and tennies and short no-frills hairdo and said, "she's a tomboy huh?". And while I hadn't given that too much thought, I guess she's kind of right. I just think of you as YOU, but you are one of toughest chics I know. And good for you. Keep on rocking your personality.

Nakey: lately you've taken to stripping off your diaper after you pee in it, then running around all nakey til we catch you. This is probably a good sign that you'll be easier to potty train, since you apparently don't want to sit in a wet diaper, even for a minute. the bad news? Sometimes when you're running around all naked butted, you also pee on the floor or the bed. No beuno. You did this just this morning and Daddy was not pleased. You are a wild on, Ev.

Teeth McGeeth: I know I've said it a bunch on the blog, but this was a crazy month for you teeth-wise. You've been sort of a late bloomer with your teeth (first 2 at 10 months, second 2 at 12 months, next 2 around 14-15 months...then nothing til now). You must have decided now was the time, because this month you've been banging out like all remaining teeth on the top and bottom, including molars. It's been intense, but you've handled it well. And just think how awesome your teeth will look when it's all said and done?

Little Words: My goodness, lady you have been talking up a storm! You are getting really good at repeating everything people say (which means I have to watch what I say a little more), and wowing me with your abilities. Common things you say: "night night", "baby teeth", "I do!", "I love you", "up high". You like pointing out Mommy and Daddy's facial features "Mommy's nose", "Daddy's teeth". It's pretty cute. you also like to point to your books and say things like "Dora's house", "Boots' house". and the way you say house is super cute too by the way.

Getting ready to move: we are prepping for a move to our new house, and we're trying to make it fun so you can get excited about it too. We've told you all about your new playroom, and driven past the house several times and telling you "it's our new house!". You're excited, and I can't wait to see you explore the new house with us. You've been a good helper too--packing boxes with Mommy and throwing your things in while I try to organize ;) The last box I packed, you kept putting in your Scout doll, your 2 fake eggs, and your shoes and socks. Every time I took them back out, you'd put them in again. You are going to have a blast packing and unpacking with us :)

Getting your groove on: you've always been a music lover, but lately you've been especially into certain beats. I'll look back at you in the car, and you'll be swaying your head side to side like the best of them. You seem to know how to move to the music, which I think is great. I can't wait for more dance parties in the future. You've also started singing with me sometimes, which I love. Foulk family band--what what?

Get You! Right now we like playing the game where when Daddy or I come home from work or school, or even enter the room you're in, we'll say "I'm gonna get you!" and chase you down and hug you. You love this, and you usually run right for us, like "bring it on" and squeal and laugh and it's very cute.

Ev, you are such a sweet and fun and curious little thing. Every day your Dad and I step back and say to each other, "can you believe we made that?" You are so strong and determined, yet soft and sensative. It's so fun being your mom, and I'm excited to see what awaits us next.

Love always,

Mommy

Winter Wonderland

For those of you who aren't from the good old Midwest, you need to be informed that we rock all 4 seasons out hard. In a way, it's neat to get the full experience of Spring, Summer, and Fall, but I rarely ever get excited about Missouri winters.

This week kicks off the start of weather that, according to the weather man "feels like it's in the teens". If you're  a metric system person, that just basically means it's freezing and you should not go outside.

Times like these I like to picture laying on the sand and listening to the waves roll in while the sun kisses my shoulders and Everleigh builds sandcastles with Scott. Maybe someday. For now, we are gearing up for what we hope will be a mild winter.

The upside? Christmas is decidedly more fun with a little one around!

Last week Everleigh and I went to explore the Christmas Wonderland in Gilham Park, a Kansas City tradition my mom remembers from her childhood. They had free hot cocoa, lots of fun wooden and blow-up decorations, a playground, and a stage packed with Glee-like performances by local teens singing Christmas tunes. Oh, and we can't forget the BIG GUY--Santa came in on a sleigh pulled by a tractor. I know, I know, but this IS Missouri folks. You've got to have a little tractor here and there ;)

It was so fun watching Ev explore the decorations (she loved the peek-a-boo penguine blow up the most!) and get her dance onto the Christmas tunes. While we've debated what to say to her about Santa, we decided there's no harm in letting her dictate her own level of make believe when it comes to that, and she loved telling us that Santa goes "who who who".

Gosh I'm a lucky girl :)

New House, New Playroom!

As some of you know, we've been looking to move for a few months now. We love our sweet little townhouse in the city, but we recently found out that if we stay, our rent will almost double. While we were bummed at first, the more we thought about it, the more it seemed like the perfect opportunity to see what else Kansas City had to offer us. We really didn't want to look at buying, because at this time our plan is to wait until Scott finishes art school (he attends the amazing Kansas City Art Institute), and then see where life takes us. We dream of warmer winters and being within a day's drive of the ocean. Maybe Austin. Maybe New orleans. Maybe somewhere we haven't even thought of yet. So for now, the search was on.

We searched high and low. Very very low. We saw some adorable houses we LOVED, that were unimaginably tiny, some crazy bad properties that landlords should be ashamed to be asking money for, and some in-betweeners. We found one really old house that was pretty huge and in our budget, but the landlords didn't want to wait a month for us to move in, and we would have had to pay a large deposit back in Nov, then pay the whole month's ret in December at both locations...we opted out.

Then we discovered this cute little older house that had recently been renovated. It's in the city, but not the scary somebody might get shot part. It has a little backyard and deck (yay!), a lovely little front porch, a warm sunny feel inside, two bathrooms (most of the places we found only had one, and Scott hates sharing a bathroom with me because of all the "girl stuff"--blow dryers, flat irons, makeup bags, toner, etc.), and the huge selling point? A giant upstairs bedroom/playroom extraordinaire for Miss Ev.

So now we're starting to pack our things and decide what to keep, what to donate, what to sell, what to give away. And I'm excitedly planning our new space! I've been looking for inspiration for Ev's playroom, since her new room will be about 3 or 4 times the size of her current room. Look at some of the cool playrooms I've found for inspiration!

I just love the colors and swing and everything about this room. Pipe dream stuff, but it's still neat.

Sort of a Dwell, if I were rich design, but I love the treehouse idea. And I'm married to an artist, so you ever know!

Pretty teepee!

I like these shelves

This might be the most like Ev's actual space...similar walls and space

Again, similar shape to Ev's new room. I like the use of the low walls...

Anyone have neat DIY tips or ideas for playrooms? Thoughts on how to organize all the toys and books in cute and cost efficient ways? I'd love to hear it and/or see your ideas!

-E

Teethsplosion, Ear Ache and a Scuffed Face

This really has not been Everleigh's best week. Last Monday or so she started getting fussy during the day and just plain not sleeping at night. She also started getting like 10 teeth at once, so I couldn't really blame her.
I wrote off the fussiness as teething-related, and tried to catch brief naps here and there, drink enough coffee, and put enough eye-liner on that I looked awake at work :) And yes, we're trying to ditch the binkie since she's a big girl now, but tough times call for tough measures. It was either go with the binkie or let her stay attached to my nipples all day. Nursing a sick toddler is much like nursing a newborn--sweet and loving but constant.

She didn't get better. After telling my mom about it, she was convinced it was an ear infection. But it was Thanksgiving and there were no docs open. The Walgreen and CVS take care clinics only see 18 month and older kids...Ev is 17 months. So we waited, and my sis slipped me some unused ear drops from her 6 year olds last ear infection. They really helped her get some rest, which further confirmed our suspicions.

Then to add injury to insult, Ev stumbled in the driveway of my sister's house following Thanksgiving and scuffed her little nose and upper lip. It wasn't deep or serious, but the light scuffing quickly scabbed over and frankly, looks awful.

This morning I took the morning off work, and after seeing Scott off to school, I took Ev to her pediatrician where he confirmed that she does, in fact, have an ear infection in her right ear. So now my baby's on the up and up. Whew!

That was my week. Somewhere in there, I also saw family, cooked a yummy turkey, ate lots of delicious homemade food, attended my neice, Remi's 3 year birthday party, did some Play Therapy homework, and secured us a new adorable rental house--More to come on that! At the new place, Ev's bedroom/playroom is GIANT and I'm so excited to have an excuse to decorate again (using many of the same staple peices from her nursery, of course).

No worries though--things are looking up! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!