The Importance of Staying Connected

Last night I was having one of those nights where you feel overwhelmed by it all--the job, the baby who won't sleep, the bills, the homework, the housework. Feeling tired and lumpy and just plain mad about a zit that decided to be my cherry on top of the already crappy day.

In preparation for our move, I've been cleaning out closets, and I had a bunch of Ev's hand-me-downs to pass on to a friend, so I called her up. And you know what? Even though I miss my friends so much, it was hard for me to go. Ev was fussing in the car, and I just felt...ugly and worn out and so unlike my old self. I considered canceling because frankly, I just wasn't good company. But instead I went. I looked at baby clothes with my friend, talked about how our daughters will be friends one day and how awesome that is, spilled my guts about the bad ways I was feeling and the ways I want to be different.

And then something magical happened. She understood. When my eyes welled up, hers did too. I wasn't alone anymore. She got it. She got me. And she didn't care that I was in a slump or that I had a zit or any of it. I felt heard and validated and encouraged and refreshed. and also reminded that we, as moms, are chronic multitaskers. We give and give and do for others and, while it's cliche, we often put ourselves last. Which is good and bad. We get disconnected--first from the freewheeling friends of our early 20's with their happy hours and midnight concerts, then from equally busy mom-friends, and then from ourselves. Isolation leads to more isolation.

But leaving there last night, I felt so much healthier than when I arrived. Stimulated intellectually and challenged to exercise more, meditate daily, care for myself, and never forget the importance of staying connected.

Busytown

Wow! Sorry It's been sooooooo long since I updated my blog :( As some of you know, I recently started a new and exciting job, which is awesome. However, I had to go through some all-day trainings last week that really cut into my blogging time ;)

I am back with a vengeance, so look out!

Last week lots of exciting things happened:

•  Everleigh started clapping her hands, which seems very fancy and generally makes me feel like I'm entertaining her with my every action
• I attended my Play Therapy Certification class, and learned a lot about diagnosing children and how it kind of sucks but is a necessary evil in our current system.
• I went to my preggo girlfriend's baby shower, hung out with other moms, and watched her unwrap THREE new Boppies. Wa wa wa. PS: One was from me. Thank goodness for gift receipts.
• I took Evie to visit a bud who just had a homebirth (she is awesome) surprise baby GIRL. Since her Intelligender test had said "Boy", almost all of her baby stuff  was either specifically boyish or gender neutral with boyish tendencies, so Ev told me it was OK to pass along her super girly NB-6mo collection ;) Can I pause for moment here and say that no matter how well you think you remember, seeing a newborn baby is always surprising! They are SOOOO tiny and snuggly and amazing.
• I attended my first chics-only Happy Hour since before I was pregnant and had a blast
• While there, I met a super awesome little lady who plays music and has an artist husband and a little girl. She wants to start a band!
• I went over to my new music-buddie's house and jammed :) while our kiddos played
• My stepdaughter, T, got to come for a visit and hang with Miss Evie.
• We ate at a really weird, poorly lit, gross Chinese buffet that made us all feel funny
• I got some actual for real SLEEP (thank God). Little E decided to treat me to 5 1/2 hours of uninterrupted bliss, followed by another 3-4 hours of tossing and turning. I'll take it.

Hmm...I know there's more, but that's the gist. Hope you all have had a great past week! I'd love to hear about it :)

Where My Ladies At?

An older pic of me and my bud/bandmate Rachel

If you are reading this and you are also a mom, you can probably relate to the fact that once your little bundle arrives, your social life takes a bit of a dive. And rightly so--I mean, you are now "MOTHER", giver of life, feeder of baby, wiper of poop, picker upper of fallen binkies. Who needs all that fun and companionship anyways?

Let me tell you: I do. And you probably do too ;) Except it's tough to do when most of your close friends don't have babies, or they can't understand why you can't make happy hour or go see that concert and be out until 3AM. Sure, I'll leave my baby with---oh, right. No one. Or else your awesome baby-friendly friends all live in another city or even another state. Long-distance friendships? Yes. Long-distance babysitters? Not so much.

I may or may not have mentioned it before, but my husband is an artist, and he watches Evie 3 days during the week while I work. The other 2 days he attends school and tries to find time to get some creative work done. Because of this, he often waits until I'm home, and she falls asleep at night (around 7:30PM), then heads back out into the night to his painting studio to work--sometimes until 3 or 4AM. On nights like that, I applaud his drive and creativity. Lord knows, once I'm in my comfy pants, you'd have to pay me good money to leave my warm snuggly living room. I know it's not easy to feel inspired and wait all day to act on it. Someday, it will be fun to include Everleigh in our creative activities, to teach her how to play guitar or show her how to paint; but for now, get her within 3 feet of a paint brush and she will figure out a way to get it in her mouth. So painting waits for the evenings.

What this also means is that after I get off work, I'm on full time mom duty as soon as I walk through the door, then I'm essentially in for the night. Don't get me wrong--I'm happy about this most nights. I miss my daughter while I'm working and usually can't wait to be with her. Then, once she's asleep, and Scott's gone to paint, I'm left with a deathly quiet house and a sleeping baby. In the past, I've used that time primarily to catch up on sleep (Ev still doesn't sleep through the night, and pretty much treats 3AM-6AM as her late-night all -baby- can- eat buffet). So picture me--the coolest girl of all time (j/k) passing out at 8PM. Work, baby, sleep, repeat.

That worked for me for awhile, until I realized that WAIT. This is my life I'm talking about here. What about friendship? What about my music? What about all the stuff I want to do? What about the stuff I don't want to do but should (aka, cleaning out my closet)?

So lately I've been trying to embrace that evening quiet time--with a cup of yummy hot tea and a piece of dark chocolate, a chance to work on my homemade dolls for Everleigh, an opportunity to do some yoga (I've missed you!), or a moment to enjoy a long, uninterrupted conversation with an old friend.

This has been the greatest gift I've given myself in a long time. Last night, I used my time to have a really long chat with an old friend. It was one of those conversations where you talk long enough to get past some of the introductory "catching up" stuff, and can delve a little deeper into what's really been on your mind, what you're hoping to do, who you're hoping to become, etc. It felt so good to connect with another girl. I love my husband, and I consider him to be my best friend, but there are some things that women simply understand better. Plus when he and I talk these days, there's often a huge portion dedicated to plans--"so--I'm dropping the baby off at Jen's, then coming home and you're going to take the car to school while I work?" or baby stuff, "Did she poop yet today? How long did she nap? How long ago did you give her Tylenol?" etc. These things need to be discussed, plus I'm a bit of an obsessive planner. It's an anxiety thing. These conversations are often instigated by me, much to my husband's dismay.

But you get what I'm saying. Even if we have the best chat of all time, sometimes a girl needs her girls.

I've been lucky to have met so many really incredible women in my life, who are different from me in so many ways, have big dreams, and are super inspiring. I didn't even realize how much I had missed that connection until it was reintroduced to me via an 8:30PM phone call last night :)

So--I've decided to make friendship a bigger focus in my life, even if it means getting a little less sleep some nights. Being in the company of other women challenges me to be open-minded, to be myself, to be better. And who couldn't use a little more of that?